Your ex boyfriend might have refused to talk to you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get him back. The truth is getting him to talk to you again isn’t really the hard part. But first you need to figure out why he stopped talking to you.ex_not_talking

Speaking for men, we don’t really cut off communication with a girl unless we have a pretty solid reason for it. Let’s go over few of the common reasons men tell a girl to not contact them.

Reason 1. You have been bombarding him with text messages and calls (The Most Common Reason)

In my experience, the most common reason for a guy to stop talking to his girlfriend is because she has been harassing him. If you are constantly messaging and calling your ex, then he is bound to get tired of you. He understands that you are hurt from the breakup, and he understands that you want to convince him to get back together, and he is tired of it.

Read how to use texts properly to get your ex back.

When you are messaging him constantly or commenting on all of his facebook status updates, you are telling him that you are not still needy and desperate. When you call him and tell him that you miss him, you are telling him that you are miserable without him and you will do anything to get him back.

Maybe your instincts will have you believe that harassing him will make him come back, but it’s not so. (Read how instincts screw with you after a breakup). In fact, everything you do that makes you look needy is going to make your ex boyfriend less attracted to you and more sure about his decision of breaking up. I am sure that’s not what you want, that’s why you should take a step back and go on no contact for a while. We’ll talk about it in a little while.

Reason 2. He is applying the no contact rule and is trying to move on (Less Common)

It could be that your ex has decided to start no contact and is trying to move on. Or maybe he is applying the no contact rule to try to win you back. If this is the situation, then there is nothing you can do unless he decides to end his no contact.

You have to respect the fact that your ex needs some space and time for himself. Like I say constantly through this site, the no contact rule is for you. It’s for you to decide what you want in life and what is good for you. It’s for you to regain your composure and become a happier person. This is exactly what your ex is doing at this time. So why not let him?

Said Every Girl Reading This Article

Said Every Girl Reading This Article

OK, I understand it’s a little hard to comprehend the fact that he might move on during the no contact period. But there is literally nothing you can do about it. If he decided to start no contact, then every message you send him is only going to make you more needy in his idea. During the no contact rule, he is going to think of you and the relationship. You should let him. Let him come to his own conclusion whether or not he should get back with you. And who knows maybe he will decide that he wants to get back with you. And even if he doesn’t, it’s his loss.

So What Should You Do?

For starters, stop contacting him and start the no contact rule as well. Stay away from him for 30 days and then send him a message (Read 5 Essential things you must do after no contact). If he doesn’t respond, then he is still doing no contact. Give him another 15 days and then try contacting him again. If he still doesn’t respond, then you can either try again after 15 days or try to move on (my advice will be to move on, but I have a feeling you won’t take it).

Reason 3: His New Girlfriend Won’t Let Him Talk To Me (Least Common But The Worst Situation)

If he has a new girlfriend and she is not letting him talk to you, then you have a serious situation. There is literally nothing you can do that won’t make you look like a crazy, jealous and stalky ex girlfriend. And once he starts seeing you as an crazy ex, it’ll be hard to change it.

The only thing you can do right now is wait out his new relationship. If you are lucky, it’s just a rebound (Read more about him and his new girlfriend) and it will end soon. If you are unfortunate, he might end up marrying the girl and you will never get to talk to him again. I know it hurts to read this, but it’s the truth. I don’t want to sugarcoat it but if a guy lets a girl decide whom he talks to, then he is pretty serious about her.

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend To Speak To You Again?

It’s simple; you stop talking to him. You start the no contact rule and you pull away. If your situation falls under Reason no. 1 (see above), then he is probably going to reach out to you. If it falls under Reason no. 2 then he will probably reach out to you after he finishes his no contact period.

Basically, when you stop pushing, he will start wondering what happened and will try to contact you. He might not even be able to cope with your silence and start acting a little crazy (angry texts, angry phone calls, mean facebook messages).

Any type of reaction from his a good sign. This means that the only reason he was so calm about the breakup is because you were making him feel like he still has you. This means he still hasn’t dealt with the thought of losing you forever. And that thought might just be enough to get your ex boyfriend back.

However, if he doesn’t contact you during the no contact period, then you will have to take the matter in your own hands and contact him. Of course, before you contact him, you should make sure you have gone through the no-contact period and have done everything you are supposed to do during this time (Read the things you should do during the no contact period).

Now when you contact him, it’s not going to be like before. It’s not going to be a message that reeks of neediness. It’s going to be something that will arouse his curiosity. It’s going to be something that will keep him thinking about you for a while.

How To Contact Him

The best way to contact him will be through a text message. There are a few simple yet powerful messages that you can use to contact him. The key here is to create enough curiosity for him to text you back.

Here are a few messages that DON’T WORK.

“Hey Jim, I called you twice yesterday. Why don’t you pick up my phone? Anyways, just text me back as soon as you get a chance.”

OR

“Hey Jim, I need your help. Please text me back.”

Or

“Hey”

Did you see what’s wrong with these messages? The first one just reeks of neediness. The second one is an obvious ploy to get him to talk to you and the third one is simply boring.

To arouse their curiosity, you need to make the message about them and not about you. People are selfish and no topic is more interesting to them than themselves.

Here are a few examples that arouse their curiosity.

“Hey, I have a confession to make”.

OR

“Hey, I know it’s been a while but I just wanted to thank you for what you did. You have no idea how much it helped me.”

OR

“Hey, I just saw something that reminded me of you. I didn’t think about us for a while. To be honest, it made me smile.”

See how all these messages are about him? In the first message, he is thinking what did you do to HIM that you want to confess. In the second message, he is thinking what he did that you are thanking HIM for. And in the last one, he is thinking what reminds you of HIM.

Get the idea? If course, you don’t have to use exactly the same messages. You can be creative and use something that you came up on your own. Just make sure it’s something that arouses curiosity and it’s about him.

After he messages you back

After he replies to your message, the ball is in your court. You can peak his interest by not replying for a while. You can set an alarm for 30 minutes on your phone and not reply him until the 30 minutes is over. This way, you will be constantly on his mind for at least 30 minutes. And the more you are on his mind, the more he will feel attracted to you.

Of course, it’s not necessary to make him wait 30 minutes. You can go ahead and message him right away if you want as long as you don’t message him something needy. His reply is probably going to be something like

“What is it?”

“What did I do?”

“What did you see?”

For the reply, you can either pick up a message that I wrote in the fourth step of the 5-step plan. Or you can be creative and find something on your own.

After you initiate contact with him, you have to make sure you don’t project an image of neediness. Everything you do or say should send out a message that you are a confident and happy person who is living her life to the fullest. I have written more about it in the 5 step plan to win your ex back. Make sure you read it here.

Wait, do you still have a chance?

Find out your chances of getting your ex back in 2 minutes.

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Shii
Shii

Hello ,my ex boyfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago.The reason he gave was ,I liked a comment on his photo in Facebook, I fooled him on April fool’s day .To me those were just excuses because if he really was into it,he could have given a better reason. Is there anything I can do to get him back.I really love him

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Normally if a person gives such a reason for ending the relationship, there is usually other underlying factors that probably troubled him as well, but isn’t telling you. Perhaps it would be a good idea to find out if there are issues you can try to work on by communicating with each other rather than simply breaking up.

Amy
Amy

I brokeup with ex last may, coz I think he was reluctant to love me. I was from bangkok to Malaysia to see him, before I arrived, he told me that he would use one day to accompany me, but it turn out to be beside me but not around. The day when I left, when I found a gecko in my suitcase, i was suddenly frighten with voices, when I found out i calmed down and told him. I hoped he could drive it away but he just sat there. I was unhappy with emotion and when he saw me he was unhappy. When I left the hotel with uber, he didn’t ask me to stay with him, he has a car. We have connection after I went back to bkk but not happy. 20 days later we stop contacting. But 1 month after this, i contacted him again, but felt he is cold. It seems that I use no contact, but I have no idea what to do that time and i show my needy. For the following months until end of March this year, we keep in touch, i flight to Malaysia 4 times to see him. I took him as bf and always ask for recover, i loved him so much and did some hepls important for him, he was grateful. But he kept limited communication with me, what’s more he might had new relationship, he had reaction with a girl 5 years younger than him in both their WeChat moments, began from the second day of our brokeup, became frequently from October. I doubt that they might have gossips but he was angry every time I mentioned and I needed apologize and fly to Malaysia for his forgiveness. He ignore my message more and more and finally I was angry in beginning of March. By end of March he told me do not waste time on him and never replied my messages again. He hasn’t blocklisted me, I keeps texting him every day, no reply. On 20th May, which is some kind of Chinese Valentine’s Day, I found out that the girl above flight to him and they spent 2 days together, I have no idea they have sex or not. Yesterday the girl posted their conversation with nicknames in her moments. Heart broken. According to my understanding of him, he do not like this kind of publish, also no reply from him for the moments the girl published to reveal their ‘Relationship ‘. The girl’s characteristic, according to my understanding and the understanding from another one who knows him well, doesn’t fit for him. But they seems sweet and have progress. I’ve reading EBP… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It would be good at this point to probably spend time focusing on making positive changes to your life. It can be anything from your appearance, getting into shape, changing your wardrobe, or even working on changing your emotions and the way you handle things. Remember that this change isn’t for your ex, but mainly for yourself and to become a better version of yourself so that if you have the opportunity in the future to come in contact again with him, you’ll be able to re-spark his interest and change whatever negative impression he once had of you.

DL
DL

Hi Kevin, i and my ex was in 4 years long distance relationship and we were together about 3 years. I am cambodian and he is swiss. After i had accidental pregnant and had miscarriage i felt so emotional about losing baby. Finally 1 week latter i decided to discuss with him about commitment and future plan together or having next baby….etc. i text him and he said he needs time to answer. 3 months latter after he was back from egypt that night in bedroom he turned off the light and hug me and started to asked me if we can be friends but he begged me not to block him, his email or telephone no…etc I was in shock and hurt so much as i thought he may came back for finding solution. He told me the reasons of this break up. I really dont believe the reasons he brought up. During relationship of course sometimes miss understanding, we fought but not alot. I supported him in every his projectes…..i have asked him to meet in few days to talk again. The day we met he kept same words. I could not accept it and beg him to reconsider then he told me he can only let me know in one month. Since then until now is 20 days i did no contact except contact about works and business that we still have together. My friend called him and she told me my ex still care about me and dont want to see i am hurt. We will meet again in about 10 days after he is back from egypt. I would like to know what can i do if this time he doesnt change his mind? The break up was not bad, we were calm…i want to get him back.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You’ll probably have to figure out why he decided to end things in the first place before you plan ahead on your next course of action. Before you meet up with him, you’ll have to first consider if that particular reason is one that can be resolved or not.

Lily Watson
Lily Watson

Me and my ex boyfriend broke up about 2 months ago. His family pressured him into it and he said that he ‘wasn’t ruling out anything in the future’ since then we have been in contact for the first 5 weeks and met up and it was like nothing changed. He said I need to do no contact but I have broken it numerous times – all of which he has ignored me. I just want him back, I know it would be hard but I’m changing the things his parents didn’t like about me (I don’t drive and I’m at university – soon to be graduated) is it too late for no contact now?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It may not be, but it also would depend on whether his parents would begin to like you after that or not. If his parents simply dislike you over the fact that you don’t drive and are in university, they may prove to be difficult people to please having judged you for such superficial reasons.

Natalie
Natalie

I had been seeing this man for a year and a half. Things were great. We confided in each other and supported all his endeavors. I’ve always known he wanted to move to a warmer climate. We even fought to why he would start a relationship w/ me if he knew he was leaving. He swore he didn’t think he’d fall for me. I supported him through all his ups and downs. He went from messaging me first thing in the morning to not hearing from him for hours. Through that time he would only message me “I love you” He suffers from PTSD and has TBI. He began to grow distant and when I I finally confronted him he wrote that he was sorry. He loved me but doesn’t want to think about me, us, anything except leaving. I confronted him to let him know his change of heart stung and that I’d always love him. We hugged and shared a quick kiss. I haven’t heard from him since. I started NC. I’m now doing it more for myself then to try and get him back…even though I’d still want to be in his life. I’m concerend no contact has him thinking I’m playing games. I’ve written countless letters. Which I’ve never sent. I can’t bring myself to communicate for fear he’ll blow me off coldly and I’d think ill of him. It doesn’t help I workout where he works. I’ve changed my days so we wouldn’t have to see each other except Friday mornings. I haven’t text, messaged or seen him in about 3 weeks. Now I’m making assumptions and driving myself crazy. He said it’s no one else but I wonder. I want to move on but I’m sick over his drastic change of heart. How can he go from him saying he’s never had anyone feel the way he does in his 40 years to throwing me away. This man has cried on my shoulder and he’s very much not a crier. Should I set him free or give him space. I’m hurt and confused

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps give him space and continue with NC for now. Try not to let your thoughts get the better of you with the wild assumptions as his sudden change of heart could be an episode he’s dealing with right now and may need some time. As you’ve said, make these changes and focus on yourself in the meantime and after some time has passed, you could try contacting him again with these improvements to see if he changes his mind or not before deciding whether to move on.

Lily
Lily

my boyfriend of almost 2 years recently left me for someone else that he had an interest in for years but never had a chance until now. I just want some hope that one day he’ll come back to me and love me like he did. before he told me about everything he ignored me for 3 days and I felt awful thinking about everything he could be doing and how he could just not talk to me. he cheated on me before and apologized because he hated that he had to lose me and I hated it too. We took a break and got back together. I wanted to be with him and I still do despite what hes done. I dont think I’m ever going to not love him. Anyway, I messaged him today about how I’ll always care and if he still wants to be friends its ok. He told me it was ok if I was comfortable with it but he wont reply as much. If I stop contact for a few weeks and ask how hes doing do you think it would do anything? I think hes serious about this one because he said he was tired of messing up relationships, I dont want him to forget me if I do NC. I would give anything to feel loved by him again and I just want some advice and an opinion. Thank you

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Him forgetting you and moving on would depend entirely on how serious he feels towards this other person. Typically, when relationships that have lasted awhile come to an end such as your case, the next relationship that the other person jumps into would often be a rebound relationship. Winning him back or him forgetting you during NC would be a factor that is dependent on that, and how meaningful his relationship with you was.

Chana
Chana

Hey, my ex and I broke up after loads of fighting and things just escalating quickly, because of my inability to respect his decision (begging, pleading, showing up at his house unannounced). In my defence, he cheated on me with his friend and now is in a relationship with this same girl. We haven’t spoken in 19 days. Safe to say this is the longest period of time that we haven’t spoken since meeting. We broke up in November and we’re in May. I guess in 6 months it will be a year and we’ll be history. Some days I love him and want him back because he truly was my best friend. Some days I think, that bastard, I won’t even bother looking in his direction again. Ultimately, I’m shifting between emotions but what I want most of all is for him to come running back, no mater my motivations. This is what I want. How does this happen? Whats the likelihood?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

To be frank, the likelihood of him ‘running back’ is relatively slim especially if he’s dating someone new and it’s already been 6 months that he’s been with her (I assume). It would be entirely dependent on how meaningful your relationship was with him, as well as the length of the relationship and what you meant to him, that might determine your chances if him and the other person does not work out.

Miss Winters
Miss Winters

Hello, I met a man in real life, then talked online for several months because of living in different countries (tried to meet, but it was difficult for both since my schedule is currently crazy and I’m facing the most difficult time at work). He was very attracted to me from the start and made it clear. He was in constant communication, feeling good with me, calling, initiating, planning, sharing from his life and even from his traumatic childhood (but not to get my pity). We were growing closer and I loved his presence, rewarding him with my best behavior. Although I have abandonment trauma, I never acted needy or controlling. Sadly, I found out early on that he has a family (children, too) – he was hiding it. I wanted only to discuss it face to face, so he never knew that I knew. Recently, he posted something awful online. The one thing that gets me extremely emotional, angry and hurt. Can’t tell what it is, it completely appalls me (one of those posts that normally get blocked on all social media). I confronted him and he tried to explain – but to me there was no explanation. He tried to call, asked me to call him, but I didn’t want to hear. My wound was deeply activated. I told him he did what I hate the most and I hate people like him. In addition, I also accused him of lying all the time by hiding his real status. Thus, everything crumbled down on him at once. We tried to discuss a little more via messages, until we were so angry that I unfriended him, he blocked me, unfollowed me.. and so on… eventually he blocked me on all channels. I know the main reason. I was so hurt that I had to hurt him back. So I said the worst thing I could (really hurtful and always a no-no, but I said it… can’t put it here, really). Now I wish I had at least listened to his explanations. After all, our cultures are very different. I wish he understood I was hurt and reacting because of the pain. We had so many good things going on and it was all over in just a few hours. I’m sure he’s hurt and angry but I’m still hoping he will come back to his senses and think about what he is leaving behind. We never had any manifested issue, all was peaceful, nice and smooth between us and I always respected him, until that point. It hurts me more that he could run away like this, he seemed patient and mature… but then again, I did my best… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

As things ended on a very ugly note, and the fact that he still has a family to return to, there’s a possibility that he would simply move on from this relationship and back to his old life after. It might be a little tough to spark things back as the relationship was mostly long distance, so you might strongly want to consider moving on from this. However if you do want him back, perhaps go into No Contact for now and try initiating again down the road after some time has passed.

Miss Winters
Miss Winters

Ryan, thank you for taking the time to read my long message and reply! No sign of him and yes, I’m doing NC, because he blocked me everywhere and I’m not going to use any other accounts to get in touch and pester him. One change occurred, though. During the fight, I told him I know his “other” Fb profile – the one with his family. Now he deleted that one, I checked. So he only appears online as the single, childless guy he pretends to be. I’ve always had very strong suspicions that things are not ok for him there.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Regardless of how things are going, it would be better to focus on NC instead of how he is doing as this may interfere with your emotions and cause you to do something rash.

miming
miming

my bf broke up with me three weeks ago after almost 6 years together he told me he got fed up with the fights and wasn’t happy anymore, i did try to initiate no contact, and he won’t talk to me either, however a friend (i know, I shouldn’t have listened) that I message him to let him know i am still around in my almost two weeks of no contact. he did reply telling me i look good with my new haircut and told me to take care of myself. i replied the next day instead telling him i am taking care of myself and wished him well, he said thank you and I didn’t get back to him again, I don’t know what to do next, did i ruin out chance to get back? please help

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

No, I don’t think you ruined your chances, but continue with NC for now and at the end you could always drop him a text following our guidelines in our other articles.

Shorty
Shorty

Hello, my ex bf broke up with me in January 2018, we had been together for 1.5 years. He broke up with me and went straight to someone else. He mainly broke up with me because my ex husband didn’t want to see me happy with someone else and he was always bothering him and sending threats. The last time I saw my ex bf he told me it was over because it was to much trouble to be with me and as I was leaving I started crying and he grabbed me and we kissed. It was very passionate, he played with my hair a little like he had always done before and kissed me on the forehead. I left and tried to text him the next day and he only said we are over, he didn’t want to know more of me and that we would never be again. He blocked me on Facebook and move right away in with someone else. Since then he has not contacted me at all. However, in April he changed his Facebook cover picture to a very dark photo of him and his new gf, but he also changed his profile photo to a picture He had taken when we were at the beach together. He made it his temporary photo and then changed it a couple minutes after but didn’t delete it off his wall. The cover photo of him and his new gf was very strange as you would have thought it was the night sky unless you clicked on it. But than a couple of weeks later he completely deactivated his fb account and hasn’t opened it up since. The fact that he would post the pic of a night we were together and he knows meant a lot to me, would that mean he still loves me and just didn’t want either of us to get hurt by my crazy ex husband or what? He knows that my mom can see his Facebook as he didn’t block her. Is there hope or should I just move on since he is with someone else ? I know 100% he loved me and we had something great during our 1.5 years together. Thanks, sorry so long lol.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It could have been a moment at that point where he missed you, perhaps because they had an argument and ended up posting that picture. I would suggest that you not take it to heart because it could have very well been a temporary feeling he had. Since it has been some time since the break up, you might want to consider trying to move on, especially since he is still together with someone else.

Melissa
Melissa

I was in a “friends with benefits” type relationship with a guy 3 hours away for over 7 years. We saw each other almost every weekend, and sometimes weekdays during the summer.
We were friends for over a year first. Eventually, he found a gf and I got married but we remained long distance friends; until we got face to face and the physical attraction was undeniable and we picked up where we left off. We continued. Eventually, his girlfriend found out and started such a mess between her and I. She told lies and he believed them, she gave him ultimatums etc. So the trust was broken and not only did the “friends with benefits” stop but most of all our friendship is shattered due to lost trust. Now, the girlfriend he had has decided she’s gay and married. He’s been dating etc. I’m still married but I miss our friendship more than the other part… is there a chance do you think? It’s been over a year since we’ve truly texted as friends or otherwise. I’ve texted aaking about his day etc.. like we used to and he replies but it’s short. He’s still mad because of the way I went back at the ex-girlfriend for her lies. Is there hope for at least our friendship?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If he’s still angry with you up to this point, perhaps giving it even more time might be a good idea. There’s no guarantee that he would eventually forgive you, but it’s something that you can only hope for in time. You could drop him a text again down the road and see how he responds to it. If it’s positive, you can slowly build a friendship back up again.

Alethea
Alethea

My boyfriend of 2 years left last year in February 2017 for his sailing job and after loads of fights…we broke up in July 2017…I went No Contact in August where he made an attempt to reach out…but I did not pick up his calls….when I tried to contact after No Contact, he ignored all my calls and texts for 8 months…He came back home in March 2018…I went and met him and he was adamant that he did not want a relationship at all…I convinced him to atleast hang out sometimes and we did that…even ended up sleeping with him…Then he started pulling away and is now telling me that I should wait for him to contact me…it’s been 3 weeks and my calls/texts once a week are being ignored again…Do you think I should give up???

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Although your chances are still there, they might be fairly slim. It would honestly be better for yourself to move on since it has been such a long time, and he does not seem very interested in getting back together with you despite your attempts to reach out.

Tallspicy
Tallspicy

I met someone a year ago online when I was in Paris and we did not meet. We kept in touch and in February things escalated and he arranged to come visit me in end March (Paris/nyc). We met and it was great, but he said “my life is really complicated and this is complicated – I cannot do this”. However, he was also very complimentary and very thankful (said I made it special, outstanding visit, surprised at how well we got along). He left, and I thought he might rethink it. I knew to leave him alone.

Two days later, I accidently liked a Instagram photo. Eak! Then a few hours later he texted me thanking me again. I responded warmly and it has been two weeks and I have heard nothing.

He posted another Instagram and I have not liked it and I have not reached out.

Did he just not like me? Or is overseas just unreasonable. We had spoken every day for two months, so while I know we are not moving forward, it feels like he felt so pressured that he never wants to speak to me again…. not even friends….

Btw, I go back to Paris in Aug and he knows that..

A few clarifications: he was very affectionate the whole visit. His life is actually complicated (newly divorced – she cheated, properties in several countries to sell due to deteriorating with the ex, and job stuff). I know he was physically attracted to me, but I feel like his text was a pity text after liking his Instagram (photo from the visit). Do men do pity texts? My response was warm, but not engaging. And he has liked one of my instagrams since the texts several weeks ago. I do not understand how you go from every day contact to nothing….

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Well there could be a variety of reasons such as the stress he’s going through or fear of the LDR as you’ve mentioned, or even that he’s simply not ready for a serious relationship so soon after the divorce. You could continue to give him some space before trying to talk to him again and keep things light. However, considering that there was no relationship during this period, there’s a chance that he may have moved on.

tonyca
tonyca

My ex broke up with me just because i was walking with this boy from my class. he saw me but i didnt see him. So he called me and asked me who is that and i told him that he was my friend. So i got a dare saying that i was supposed to stop talking to my boyfriend for 30 days. I did but it actually went longer we ignored each other for 2 and a half i months i still dont knw why he stopped talking to me because he sees me a lot of times and he looks at me from head to toe like i was doing nth it just sick me

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It could be pride or something he’s angry with you about. Perhaps you could ask him to find out.

Nancy
Nancy

We initially started fighting beginning of November because i took a text typo and made it a big deal. Things became good then a bigger fight. And things got ugly! Neither of us gave in so things got worse. We did not celebrate our year and half anniversary due to the anger. I was so upset. Finally when i was ready to put this past me. Something he was asking for the entire time but i couldn’t forget what was said. All he replied with was he’s glad. He was preoccupied with his friends. Christmas he only sent me one message. In between Christmas and New Years i sent him so many happy loving messages. Called him to and from work like i used to always. No reply. He replied once saying he’s busy with work. Right before New Years he tells me he doesn’t have the spark for me anymore. After the fighting and everything. I was devastated. I begged and pleaded but to no avail. I even wrote a heartfelt card and sent a gift because i wanted to show we could still celebrate the holidays and our anniversary still even though it passed. He said he appreciated the card but wished i didn’t send anything because we aren’t together. He told me maybe in the future but now he’d like to be friends. I began my first no contact period beginning on January when he failed to inform me of our dinner plans. I tried to see him since December was a hard month he never got back to me. He blew up my phone via text and call the first week. He saw i was reading and not replying since it was through what’s app. He expanded on how much he loved my card. I ended up breaking it and calling him back the end of the week. Still going on about how he wanted to be friends. I said i can’t be your friend but i still tried. Again, it was me reaching out to him and hardly anything from him. Began my second no contact 30 day period. He texted me the end of the first week. I didn’t reply or open it immediately. He saw i opened it and kept checking what’s app until he finally deleted the app. I posted a selfie of me with make up on and then my drinks on Snapchat story. He ended up blocking me and his friend deleted me. I was also posting inspirational and relationship quotes on Snapchat so maybe he was tired of that. He didn’t contact me again. I texted him after 30 days no reply. Not sure If I’m blocked. I sent… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It could be that he is trying to convince himself that he’s over you, but each time he sees you or hears from you, it affects him greatly or gets jealous, and it frustrates him, eventually turning into anger. That could be the reason he blocked you and doesn’t want to reply you, but at the same time is unable to fully let go, so whenever he feels you pulling away, he starts to contact you again. I suggest giving it some time for him to cool off, and avoid talking to him for now. You could try again later on, but perhaps this time tone down on topics that could get him feeling jealous or frustrated again.

Nancy
Nancy

How much time? I did one successful 30 day no contact. That resulted in me being blocked on what’s app and Snapchat. He blocked me on what’s app since he saw i read it and never replied. I don’t understand why when he ignores me it was ok, but I’m doing my program and i get blocked. After my friend comment, i reached out with the memory comment we’ll started to then he called saying leave me alone. I left him alone for a month again. I sent him a neutral acceptance apology letter. He opened it and never replied. I don’t know what to do. When i broke my first no contact rule because he blew up my phone, he told me he felt like he just lost a texting buddy. The sad part is we were together for year and a half! December was just a hard month to get together because we both had so much going on. What do i do?

Natalie Lopez
Natalie Lopez

So my ex broke up with me 5 days ago. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, we had occasional fights but the last one I guess was enough for him to say he was tired of arguing. He said he didn’t have time to fight and was unhappy. He told me to pick up my stuff the next day. When I went to pick up my stuff , he walked me to my car and began to cry. He told me he loved me and I was the most beautiful girl but that he just couldn’t deal with the stress and drama. He then told me to just give him the day to think and cool off. As I walked to my car I had rush of emotions and had to go back inside to go to the bathroom because I thought I was going to pass out. He then told me that I had to form a show and that this was exactly why he wanted to be single.. i was honestly feeling so bad I thought I was going to pass out in my car. I didn’t do it to form any show but he didn’t think so.
Anyways that same day I proceeded to apologize and to text him to say that he should think about the whole situation before making a decision. He said he wanted to break up no doubt and that the more I texted the less he was going to want to talk to me. Two days later he took off our pictures on social media and I texted him saying I guess he had made a final decision. And he didn’t reply. I have since then started the No contact but I am unsure if that is even going to work.. do you think I have hope?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It would seem like he definitely still has feelings for you, but is feeling suffocated right now over all the past arguments which has taken a toll on his stamina. I would think that by giving him some space to cool off and let go of the negativity he feels, he may begin to think of you again. Even if it doesn’t, at the very least it would give him space to cool off and contacting him after NC may allow for a more positive response from him.

Bella
Bella

I miss my ex so bad but I’ve been getting better since no contact because I was hurt he left me for someone else. He claims he did not leave me for anyone but our phone records showed right after Christmas this number showed up and right after New Years he before broke up with me and started messing with this girl spending time with her. We were together 6 years, I took his daughter in as my own and his family knew we were getting married this year like me and him discussed. His change of heart seem so shocking to me even tho I know we have had our issues about communication and other things, never involved someone else so I feel like he thinks she’s better than me and he’s found something better. I just KNEW we were going to get it together and I was going to marry my best friend but now she’s in the arms of another woman. I honestly asked him to have sex with me and he agreed after saying he didn’t want to hurt me he then said it will only be once. This was February 20th and we were suppose to meet that Friday. I started NC that day after realizing I couldn’t have sex with him because I was so hurt that he agreed but said only once like he so serious about this new person. I didn’t want to bring anymore pain on myself I’ve been in NC for 15 days. I’m so afraid he will become serious with this girl I want him back in my life. But being in NC has definitely helped me focus on me and I have been talking to other people but I think of him so much. And he told me I’m the only ex he thinks about but he knows we can’t be together. Is all hope lost because he feels this way? I took care of him for 5 years of our relationship he was a good man who showed his loved for me in front of anyone. And he finally got a stabled job and finally a car in 2017 & I feel like he begin wanting to be a free man since he had these things. We always talked about coming from the bottom up with each other. He was kicked out and he slept in my car and most of the time I slept with him because we didn’t have our apartment anymore. Point it I held him down a lot a supported him. I just feel used but I felt so loved by him. I just don’t know what to say when NC comes to… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If you had plans to get married with him, there’s a chance that him going to another woman may be a sign that he started questioning the relationship and got cold feet, wondering if grass was greener on the other side. This could cause him to walk away from the relationship so suddenly and explore something with someone else in an attempt to figure things out. I hope he comes around soon too, as most of the time, these relationships that people jump into often don’t work out.

Leah
Leah

Hi. So my (now ex) boyfriend and I were dating for about a year, and it was an absolutely amazing relationship. We were very happy and loved each other very much and even planning on moving in together soon. A few weeks ago, him, his friends and I planned a trip to an event where we got a hotel. His friends (who have become my friends as well of course) and I were going together the first day while he was to meet with us the next morning because he had work. We all got drunk, I blacked out for a lot of the night unfortunately, and me and my boyfriend got in a fight over the phone and I eventually went to bed in the pull out couch crying and very drunk, trying to sleep it off. We discussed earlier that I had the pull out couch while the three of them would sleep in the bedroom of the hotel room among the two beds. One of his friends decided to crawl into the bed with me as I was in that state and began to touch me and took advantage of me. I don’t remember too much of the details but I know we had sex. I was so disgusted with myself and so upset and scared of losing my boyfriend I begged the friend to not tell him and he agreed. So two weeks after that (a week ago from right now), we were all in town together again, and the friend got very drunk and told another friend, who gave us the ultimatum of telling my boyfriend before he did himself. I ended up telling him, but didn’t get a chance to explain any of the details of the whole story before he got so upset and heartbroken and stormed off. He blocked me on everything. One of our mutual friends passed on my message where I try to explain I was taken advantage of and i was so sorry for putting myself in the situation and all that and he just said he didn’t care to hear from me or him and what’s no part of us. He’s so hurt. It’s been a week now and he still has me blocked on everything but I’ve sent him a few emails he told a mutual friend he saw but still doesn’t want to talk to me. One of my friends also saw him on tinder. What do i do? Would the 30 day no contact rule (which in my case would be to stop emailing him I guess, since he has been reading them) apply to me still? Or should I do all I can to… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Give him some space to process and cool off. He may begin to see reason after some time has passed and he starts to think more rationally. You could apologize once more, before starting no contact. In the meantime, since his friends already know of the situation, you could ask them to help you out, since it wasn’t entirely your fault.

Leah
Leah

Thank you so much! I talked to his friend that it happened with and he said he will try to contact my bf and tell him the truth of taking advantage of me (he’s blocked from him on everything too), once he does and if he’s still upset and doesn’t want to talk to me do i still do the 30 day NC? thanks again!

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Since he’s not talking to you, for the time being just apply no contact first. If he’s still upset and doesn’t want to talk to you, give him more time but I’m sure he’ll eventually come around.

Laura
Laura

My ex of 1,5 years broke up with me 1 week and a half ago for St.Valentines. That day everything was fine and we were talking about what to cook for dinner, 5 hours later he came to pick me up from work, he was crying, i thought something bad happened but he said that he was very sorry but had to break up with me. I could not understand anything, i was in shock, everything was fine some hours ago, so I cried, he cried…he said he had been thinking for a while and he can’t make me happy and give me what i need. After both crying for a while he started to ask me what i thought and how i was feeling but i was just in shock and could not say anything else than “i can’t believe it”. He also mentioned that we come from different worlds and it wouldn’t work (hes family is more wealthy but we have been together for more than a year and that has never been an issue). I tried to understand but nothing made sense, I was sad so I begged him to please reconsider, then I was angry and I just decided to leave with a “thank you for the best valentines ever, f*** you” And that was it. We didn’t talk anymore until 3 days later when I wrote him to meet up in a few days, he said it is still to soon for him and it would be to emotional, he said he doesn’t want to lose contact with me but for now is too soon and we should meet next week (2 weeks after the break up),I told him that I have been thinking and I would like to have some explanations because I am still very confused. So he said that he also wants to talk about it but that is important that i understand that talking its not going to change the situation, because it was a very hard decision for him to make but he won’t change it. I said that i will not try to change his decisions that the only thing i want to do is talk and get some explanations. So we will meet next Thursday. After all that, I have been thinking and reading a lot, even though I still dont understand all his reasons. His last relationship was with a friend and they were together for 8 months or so, he left her because he was not in love, he said. I have been the his longest and most serious relation, he has said that many times, he introduced me to the family and we traveled together.… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

He may feel that his view won’t change right now, and you will have to respect that. However, it isn’t something set in stone and he may soften up after giving him some time. For the time being until you meet him, work on picking yourself up, so that when you meet him, you’re in an emotionally sound state and don’t end up doing something to further push him away. If you’re willing to make a compromise and not expect so much from him to make things work, perhaps let him know but don’t pressure him to make any decision by begging or crying as it usually doesn’t work.

Laura
Laura

Thank you for your reply.
I’ll pick myself up and I’m not gonna contact him before and after Thursday, no matter what we talk about.
Today he has replied to my email.
He said that breaking up with me has been one of the hardest things he has even done, that he had enjoyed the time with me so much and doesn’t regret anything. But that the simple and hurtful explanation for breaking up is that his feelings for me were not strong enough. He says I’m right that he has problems expressing emotions and committing to another person. That he had really hoped that this time it would be different and that he could fully commit to me, unfortunately he was wrong. He says that he hopes that i realize that this is his problem and has nothing to do with me.
And when ending he said “You are such a loving, caring and wonderful person and I will always think of the time we spent together. And, after some distance, I would really like to keep you in my life. ”
Is there any chance that I could make him some however change his feelings for me or make them grow stronger? I know I have to focus myself now and do NC. What if he never sees the need to have me in his life again?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Until he is able to work on his own issues, anything you rekindle with him for time being may end up with the same result unless you’re willing to carry the relationship and be extremely patient with him, but this also runs the risk that he gets too comfortable and doesn’t feel a need to change or work on himself since you’re always going to be there. This is something you’ll have to figure out if you’re willing to do before making a decision, but it’s clear that his feelings for you are real, just that it probably wasn’t strong enough to sustain the relationship.

Laura
Laura

Thank you.
We met last week. It was a very sweet goodbye we talked calmly, he explained how this is breaking his heart and how much he is going to miss me. However he still think that this is the best decision for both and now we need some time to clear our thoughts but after that he still wants me in his life. He said that at some point the relationship got too comfortable and we were like in a bubble not in the real world. I’m not so sure what can mean…
How can I make his feelings strong enough? Is it too late now?

Maya
Maya

Hi Kevin,

Me and my ex(we were never official) met on a dating app and dated for 5 months. We went on a vacation together on the 4th month and I told him thereafter that I’ve fallen for him. He responded that he is not as sure as me yet and need to see if we are compatible (claimed there’s physical compatibility). He advised me not to go in too deep too fast and that heart can always heal. Due to my insecurities and fear of losing him, I tried too hard to show him that we are compatible. During our last date, I didn’t quite reciprocate his kiss and his need to touch me while watching a movie. He called it quits and said let’s be friends and he can’t date a girl who doesn’t allow him to touch and said there is more reasons to why he says it can’t work (he didn’t share the reasons with me). Throughout the 5 months of dating, it was mostly me who initiated msges and he responds to it enthusiastically. Our dates always ends with him bringing me to dark corners for hanky panky. During the vacation, I oso realised that he was still active on the dating app. When I confronted, he said he is on the app but not using it (I saw conversation notification on his phone)

I asked for another opportunity thrice and he rejected. Since he offered friendship, I continued texting him randomly when I found an interesting article and all. His responses were subtly sarcastic mostly. A few days back I responded sarcastically to his sarcastic response. He gave me another sarcastic reply and immediately blocked me on all domains, whatsapp, fb, insta and I think even my number is blocked. I don’t know what I should do now. Advice pls.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You might want to consider being fair to yourself and walking away from this. It’s clear that he does not seem to respect you, because he was willing to end things simply over your rejection to let him touch/kiss you. If he genuinely has strong feelings for you, he would respect your decision, and also to respect you enough not to continue flirting with other people while dating you.

L
L

I met a guy a few months ago that I liked very much. I’m very over protective of myself though and kept him at arms length, constantly looking for red flags and pushing him away. We dated a bit and talked a lot on the phone but that was it as I wouldn’t get close, then I found out that he was seeing someone – he didn’t tell me and I suppose there was no reason that he should, we weren’t a couple at all. It hurt me though that he hadn’t said and had carried on talking to me as usual and I lashed out, he bit and we had a big row. During the row he told me that he had really liked me but that I had never told him how I had felt, that I had pushed him away. He’s right too and I regret it a lot and now it seems too late, he’s seeing someone and won’t talk to me.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Sometimes you have to simply take a leap of faith and not push people away so easily. In this case, you might have to consider walking away since you weren’t technically together, and there was a limit to how many memories he has to hold his feelings for you.

Ama
Ama

I started it. a friend told me that he irg a player and that he likes me but i should forget about him. he didnt respond to my text on facebook so I took it that he wasnt interested because he sends mix signals and so i ignored him, on the road, when we pass by each other i ignored him for a month and 2 weeks. i now realise that i cant forget him and that i still love and i still want us to be together but he his no longer using his old facebook account and he doesnt hang around where i can see him. although he called me last week. help, i don’t know how to face him.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps you can just be casual about things, and treat him as if he were a friend for now. Work on rebuilding the bond and comfort levels first.

M
M

Hi,!

My ex and I.. this has been a 2 year thing where he goes and comes back and he never really commits then he’s gone again to the next girl. I’m pretty sure he’s done with me now because he won’t reply and he’s in a solid relationship now he even put a ring on her finger and worst of all, he’s moving after her. And he won’t reply to me at all he just said he’ll take me for dinner before he leaves 🙂 that was that he blocked me on WhatsApp he only iMessages me and I’m sure he’s implementing no contact to get over it once and for all. He told me he didn’t love me the way I loved him and I don’t know what to do now. I’ve been blowing up his phone he won’t reply me at all he still has a pet name for me but I am still blocked on WhatsApp and I saw him a month ago but .. it led to sex and he has been off with me since then . What do I do? I know I can’t let go yet I’m not ready. He also said he doesn’t know he’s been pushed too far.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You might want to consider being fair to yourself and walk away from this. It may not be worth it to emotionally invest into someone who doesn’t commit and hops around from girl to girl. It seems like for whatever reason, his inability to commit is specifically more so with you (since he could propose to someone else instead) shows that he may either never have been entirely serious with you, or that he just doesn’t feel a certain way towards you.

Mandy
Mandy

Hi my boyfriend of 2 years who is 5 years younger than me broke up with me because he said he doesnt feel the same anymore. He just started going out with friends more and made excuses not to see me. He hangs out with friends who cheats on their girlfriends and im not sure if he was doing the same. Is there a chance to get him back????

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You’ll have to figure out what changed on his part and why he doesn’t feel the same with you. If it’s because of issues with the relationship, it’s something that could still be worked on. However, if it’s influence from his friends and he’s still too immature to see logic, then it’s hard to convince him otherwise and you might want to consider walking away from this.

yas
yas

Hello, I met a guy and he was really sweet on the first date but I feel like i gave too much away about myself. But then he disappeared so i messaged him after a week and he replied and said he loved getting to know me but i wasn’t what he was looking for. Do you think its a good idea to text him after a month and what would you suggest i text if it was a good idea

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It depends on what you meant by giving too much of yourself away. If you meant physically, it could mean that he was playing around and was never serious about you, in which case you should consider moving on.

courtney
courtney

me and this guy i was talking to stopped talking. we were fine and i snuck out one saturday night to see him. we smoked and i got high and i wasn’t focused on him. he tried to kiss me and i told him not to leave any hickeys. i also said some guy in the movie we were watching was cute. he took it the wrong way later, but at the time said nothing to me about it (he acted totally fine). i was getting in the uber to go home and he kissed me..i kissed back. he acted normal, so i didn’t think about it again. the next day, his friend told me he was sick so i texted him. i said “r u ok?” he said” yea thanks” with heart emojis. i still thought everything was fine. we have 7th period together(our only class) and i walked in. he said hey wassup. i said nothing much. how bout you? and he said”nothin much either” and he went back to his convo. my friend then calls me over and said she heard him tell his friend that he was “done with her and that she’ll get over it.” i asked his friend if it was about me and it was. i ended up sitting next to my friend for the rest of class, crying. it has been about a month since then and we still have to sit by each other. i try to talk to him but he either says nothing, or he says the most minimal answer he can. i haven’t texted him but i talked to his friend today because i wanted to text him. his friend said don’t because he’s over me. I’m heartbroken. i don’t know what to do. plz help

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You should focus on letting him go, since he does not seem emotionally mature about things and capable of respecting you, because he did not even bother to tell you personally that things were over, and the reason he wanted to end things were because you said another guy was cute.

Need advice
Need advice

Hey,

My ex and I were ” living together” although we were in a long distance. Im in Aussie and he’s in Europe. And we commute to each other when we can. Since his last trip to me few months ago he seems to have burst abt all the things he has kept in, and at that time I thought consoling him helps but it got worst. And I wasnt feeling so well either so we both were in a bad place. One day he said hes sorry and he cant do it anymore, I flew to him in hope shortening thw distance helped, 7 weeks there and it didnt make a difference. He was too angry most of the time I was there, but we also had more good times. He said he still wants to talk to me but he needs time, and he thinks we should meet each other after a year. We also agreed to text on special occasions (ie xmas, new years).

Main issue in our relationship was, my previous ex before him (insecurity on his part), my health, and our distance.

Its been a month and a half. I texted him but he replied saying he needs more time. Last week I accidentally texted him, and he had a good response. But over the weekend my gf uploaded a photo of us and I noticed yesterday he seems to have reacted to it – he removed all his photos on facebook (or it could be nth to do with me)

Ive been keeping busy for the past month, trying to not wallow in sadness and having only limited time to allow myself to grieve. Ive been going out, trying to keep fit, meeting friends i havent met for a while and spending time w families. Other than that ive been writing in hope i can be a better version of myself. Ive been soul searching, hollistically to self help.

My question now is: I still feel despite of everything, I love him, and I feel that im in a better place now. And i do miss him and wish I can work on getting to talk to each other again. What do I do now he needs more space? And how long should I give or do I just wait till he reach out?

After my accidental message that turned out good I decided to follow the messaging. I sent a meme but he onle replied after 5 days, it was a good reply as he was opening communication, but after a reply from me and him he now is mia again, and its been 4 days. Is he playing games or he’s just being polite?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It could have been a polite gesture to reply your accidental text, but either way you shouldn’t read too much into things. Since he has not replied, give it a couple more days to see if he will, and if he doesn’t, you could always drop one more text before continuing with NC if there’s still no reply from him. Bear it mind that since it’s long distanced, there isn’t much you can do if he isn’t ready to face you or in the worst case scenario has moved on.

Marie
Marie

Hi! How are you? I really need your help!
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, he told me he couldn’t be with me right now because he needed to find himself, he needed to star making money and think of himself for a minute. We were 5 years together and he’s Jewish and I’m atheist, but my last name is Arabic so for him is a problem, he looked very calm while breaking up with me he told me he still loves me and that he knows he will never forgive himself for doing this, but that is something that gets out of his hands. His mom called me and told me he looked depressed and that what happens to us. (He love in another country) I told her everything he told me and she said she will be visiting him because he asked her and he needed it, and that she will talk to him about it and help me. What should I do? I really want to get back with him, but he hasn’t write since the breakup and I don’t know what to do. Thank you!!

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Give him some space, and try to figure out if the sudden decision to end things had other reasons he isn’t telling you. If there is something you could do about the situation, you should try it out. If that still doesn’t work out, go into no contact to give both parties space, so that you may begin to see things in new light and he may eventually see reason, if the 5 years meant something to him, and talk to you again.

ella
ella

hello, please if you could give me piece of advice..we broke up 2 months ago after 4 years together, we had cuture plans already and our relationship was very loving, he is the best person ive met and i mean it and i just cant lose him so after the break up i wet to nc with no pleading or begging or texting or calling however after 2 weeks i sent the text and he replied then after week we started chatting and he came up with the meet up so we went and all was great except he was treating me like we are still together (ie kisding, hugging, touching and holding hands) and it felt more loving then ever but still at the end he said we are not together…we stayed in touch and he came up with another meet up this time he went out of his eay to plan suprises while i visit, booked romantic hotel with a view over christmas market we went for dinner and again same story he was so gentle and romantic ensuring im enjoying every second of it….i would not believe we split up if he did not mention we are not together again…but since that day its 2 weeks now he went completaly silent and is not responding to anything i send, i only send few text as i dont know whats is going on and what to do, its the worst feeling in the world…the unknown and WHY…i do know from the friend he is going through really tough time with family and himself, he said its hard for him to be friends….why he doesnt tell me to leave him alone or anything?please tell me, thank you

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It could be that he doesn’t want to hurt you so by ignoring you, it may be easier to avoid the topic altogether. Give him some space and see if he comes back again after his issues have been resolved.

Dray
Dray

Hi me and my boyfriend been together 3 almost 4 years since our senior year in high school he’s cheated in the past and of course i took him back just recently he told me he wanted to break up and i didn’t wanna take no for and answer then he tells me he found out somebody he’s cheated on me With is pregnant and he just wants to be friends no relationship at all but if i Wanted To come live with him i could and if I️ needed anything he’ll always be there what do I do will this work out?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

This form of relationship is extremely unhealthy and since he has cheated an even gotten the other person pregnant, I think you should do yourself a favor and walk away from this.

Dee
Dee

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me six weeks ago but we continued to hang out and sleep together. We remained amicable. He said he wasn’t ruling out getting back together as the reason for parting ways so he could have time and space to work on his achievements and projects with work. Anyway, he asked to hang out with me over Christmas and told me he had ‘plans’ and various birthday presents he wanted to give to me. However, he didn’t end up coming due to having a bad back. I kept asking when he would come instead and he didn’t commit to a day which annoyed me and I sent a nasty text in frustration. I’d been feeling quite down with feeling in limbo for several weeks. He didn’t reply to me so I turned up at his house unexpectedly (he lives an hour away from me). I just wanted to apologise but he wouldn’t answer the door and ended up leaving via his back gate and driving off in the car, leaving me outside on my own. Since then, he had a massive go at me about turning up and feeling like he can’t relax or be at peace in his own home. He hasn’t been in co tact for two days and I have bombarded him with messages and phone calls. I just want to talk to him. Prior to this, he always carried on saying that he loves me and that our time together was moving in the right direction (as in getting back together). Have I completely blown it?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Right now, you should completely stop all contact with him. Give him the space to process his emotions without you stepping in, because by doing so, even if he does love you, you’re only going to push him further away and make the decision easier.

Becky
Becky

Hey,
Me and my other split up three months ago
We would have been together nearly 5 years. We’ve always had a very up and down relationship as we’re both complete opposites but some how worked for all those years. I moved in with him for six months and in those six months I wasn’t mentally well and it took a huge huge toll on our relationship so he kicked me out and told me he doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t miss me. I’ve since got help and in a better place but I have been that person constantly trying to keep in contact with him til the point nasty things we’re said and we kept going round in circles ! And now he won’t even read my messages as he is tired of me begging or being nasty etc.! I still want him back even though it’s the worst break up I’ve ever had to deal with.! I’ve done the no contact rule and it just made him happier and me worse it didn’t help at all. I only did two weeks however ! I think he hates me now and is completely over it and may be too late! What should I do???

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

The whole point of NC is to actually distance yourself from the immediate situation, so that you can focus on recovering (emotionally) and working on whatever shortcomings you may have had during the relationship. It also gives time for everything to reset back to a neutral point where you aren’t struggling, and he doesn’t hate you. NC is typically applied for 30 days but in certain cases, it might take longer since it people have different rates of recovery and letting go.

Maraelle
Maraelle

Hello there! I need some advice. We both the same age, 25. I’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost 21months. He’s in Saudi for work. The reason why we broke up is we fight/argue most of the time. The last time, I argue with a girl and posted it on social media which it pissed him off with me saying that I should not posted it then we argue about it and said he is really tired of me because I didn’t listen to him. He broke me up last Nov.10, 2017. After that I didn’t contact him until I contacted him last Nov.19, saying sorry and begged him to comeback with me I also said whatever happens, I’ll wait and keep my promise. He’s going home on January 3, 2018. I know he loves me a lot and we are in a serious relationship and also he’s planning to propose on me once he come home. No third party involve. It’s just that he’s tired of me. I also continue the NC rule after he pushed me the last time I chat him (Nov.19) What I’m going to do? I really love him and I really want him back. I hope there’s a chance. Please help me. Thank you and Godbless!

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi there,

Complete the NC period first since this gives him some time to cool down. He may have said he’s tired of you out of anger and needs time apart for now. Try not to overthink and stay negative for too long and spend this time to focus on yourself by going out and keeping busy. At least this may help you clear your mind.

Maraelle
Maraelle

Thank you so much I really appreciate your response. Yes I’m continuing the NC rule. I’ll update you! 🙂

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Terrific Maraelle, all the best!

Maraelle
Maraelle

Hello Ryan! I have a question. What if I already done the NC rule and still he didn’t contact me? Should I make the first move or should I wait when he come home on January 3 then talk personally? Thank you’

Ellen Haygreen
Ellen Haygreen

Hi me and my ex were together for just over a year. We were very serious both have children and we were very committed to each other, although we argued a lot. I moaned and he couldn’t handle it. He walked out a few times and always came back but this time he won’t speak to me and has deleted me off all social media. He has collected all of his stuff and I just want to get him back, what should I do? He is the type of guy that just ignores all his feelings and just gets on with it and I’m scared he forgets about us.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Ellen,

You could try talking to him once more and if he does not reply it would be better to move on as there isn’t much you can do at this point and go into no contact for awhile.

tarhshar
tarhshar

Hello Kevin I dated this guy for 3 months , I know he was serious with me , we were exclusive from the start , I met most of his friends and his brothers during this period , he also always insisted on being introduced to my sisters and friends but I never did act in it .. So I usually have mood swings , but only when he does something I don’t like .. on this particular day we went out with his friend and his friends girlfriend to a restaurant ,he didn’t ask me what I wanted to order but asked the other girl , I was jealous and I started to have my mood swings , fast forward to after dinner we were supposed to stay in a hotel but he decided to stay at his friends place without telling me first and it made me more angry , I wanted to hurt him back so I called a guy in the middle of the night it made him really jealous and angry ,next morning I tried to talk to him but he was being cold so I asked him to get me a cab to go home , we fought over text and he asked me to stop messaging him , so I went back to his friends house and he wouldn’t open the gate to talk to me so I went over the fence that obviously turned him off but he said he had forgiven me , but he started to act distant after that .. 1 week after I asked him if something was wrong and he said something had changed about his feelings since that day I jumped over the fence he asked for space so I gave him space .. didn’t contact him for two weeks then I messaged him and asked him if he wanted to break up he said he didn’t know and that he still had feelings for me , so I told him we could meet up when he was back in the country as he was on vacation then .. when he got back he didn’t contact me , so I sent him a message asking to meet up , he didn’t reply so I gave it one week and called him again this time he finally broke it off , he said he still cared about me but not in that way …I already unfollowed him on social media sites but he still followed me on Snapchat even if I wasn’t following him back .. that day he broke up with me my best friend who is a guy asked me to come over to his… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey there,

I think you have to give him some space and yourself too (so you’re not overly affected by this) for the time being. Whatever happened was unfortunate but since it has already happened, right now you should focus on recovery. Apply the no contact rule and work on controlling your mood swings and improving yourself. If in the future you decide you still want to be with him, then you could initiate contact again.

tarhshar
tarhshar

Thanks for replying . I feel I need to apologize for my behavior ,Would it be best after the NC?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You could apologize first in a simple text message but do not continue with the conversation after, and proceed with NC.

Need advice
Need advice

Me and ex known each other 2.5 years . We were together a year . Fell In love . He’s my first love . He ended it a month ago he wanted a break I became a call and text gnat .so He changed his number I also heard he’s back with his ex but not for sure .. he has no social media. I want to attempt to get him back one last time .. what should I do ? He has a WhatsApp, I was thinking about creating one and contacting him or is that a bad idea ? It’s been two weeks exactly since we last spoke ..

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey there,

If he’s changed his number, his WhatsApp may also have changed already. I suggest before you actually try to contact him again however, that you give it some time by applying the no contact rule first to get a hold of your own emotions before trying to contact him.

Need advice
Need advice

Ok thanks for the response, so after the 30 days of NC if I feel as if I still want him back should I contact him if I could find a way ?? Also should I start the NC from the last day we spoke or today ?

Need advice
Need advice

Also I made a WhatsApp, and he still is using his old number on there because when I click on his old numbers contact on there I can see his last active time .

Louise
Louise

Hi Ryan,
Ive been on and off with my ex for about 2 years, hes a bit of a commitment phobe and said he didnt want a relationship. We had spells of not seeing each other cause he ignored me for a couple of months and then pulled away scared.
Anyway fast forward to the last 8 months he decided he was in love with with me, rang me all the time, met my kids and we had a great time together.
Hes now currently not speaking to me again as he started pullinh away again so i kept questioning him about it, i also ‘presumed’ wrongly he rook a women home with him, and he feels hurt that i messaged her asking her after he said he didnt.
I ‘begged for him back, apologised and everything but hes completely ignoring me. I did bump into him last night and he spoke and said he has no feelings for me and said we definitely wont end up back together this time
It hurts so much, how can someone who claimed to love me only a month ago be so angry with me. He seems to hate me

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Louise,

Perhaps right now, he’s still upset with you hence why he said all that? Also sometimes the more a person begs and gets desperate to want someone back, the more the person pulls away so it’s important if you still love him to not act like that if you still want to contact him in the future. Give him some space before you try to contact him again. However it’s also important to note that this partner of yours has been coming and going as he pleases in the past and unless he sorts out his commitment issues, even if you guys get back together, you will have to mentally prepare for that to happen again.

tehnia
tehnia

Hi, Kevin and ryan, I need your help, as me and my boyfriend broke up after 3 years of being together for everyday. The fight was on his birthday the 12th of October, he had moved to another country 2 weeks earlier… and we would only see each other during the weekend. I was a bit upset on his birthday as we were at his place and his friends and parents were also there… I felt ignored where I was wrong as it was his birthday… Anyway the fight took an ugly note where I took the proposing ring and gave it to him …. but then I immediately took it back to … but then I went home … as his friend asked me to leave. The next day I only texted him to come over to mine to sit and talk … and didn’t apologize.. to which he responded saying .. he is not in the condition to come see me and that he needs the day to recover from the fight. Later I got to know he was out with his friends. The next day he did come to see me and kept telling me that I didn’t take any measures to fix my mistake and waited for him to come back … but I apologized a lot… then he flew and that week we had almost angry conversations where he wouldn’t talk to me about anything and just kept saying we shall talk face to face the weekend after. The weekend after he came and said he doesn’t want this relationship because we have understanding issues .. as he has give 100 % of himself in the relationship and since my reactions are blunt he is scared to take things further. I apologized again and almost begged him not to break up.. he was crying as well but said sorry and went. The next day I went to see his parents and apologized to them too.. as he had mentioned that during that week I didn’t go and apologize to his parents or saw them. Now its been 5 days we are not talking any more .. because he said he needs time and space to recover and past this … but at the same time he has also sent me messages saying lets not talk for a few days …. as it hurts him and me too… He has also messaged saying that I should change and not do what I did to him while im with some 1 else. I realize that I have blunt reactions,,,, and am working on changing them. but I want him back… Please suggest me what to do ….… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Tehnia,

In this case, my suggestion to you would be to drop him a last text to apologize for the blunt actions you’ve done of late that might have hurt his feelings and tell him that you agree that both parties need space right now and you’ll spend this time working on yourself. At least this sets the NC period on the right note where your concern of him not thinking you will change is settled. Then take the time to focus on yourself and work on the issues you may currently be facing.

Shrek
Shrek

Hi Kevin,

I’ve completed my 30days no contact. So the thing is on the day of my breakup my ex said we’d try to meet up in November(ie next month) but i didn’t take him seriously cause maybe he was only trying to be polite since he dumped me. During no contact he contacted me only once to wish me on my birthday and i did not respond. Now my question is when i text him should i mention anything about the meet up he previously mentioned?? Also should i mention about his birthday wish? Please help me, thanks

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi there,

Yes if your intention at the end of the no contact period is you still want to be with him, perhaps you could casually arrange for that meet up. Also, I think you could just thank him for wishing you and just mention in passing that it was not a good time to reply back then so you never got round to it.

Shrek
Shrek

Hi Ryan, thanks for your reply. Yes, i do want to get back with him. So i texted him saying something like i watched a show which reminded me of him and hoped that he was doing great. To which he replied that he was doing okay and hoped the same for me( with a smiley emoji). So i took that as a positive reply and replied that i was doing good too and thanked him for the birthday wish. But i didnt get around to telling him the reason why i couldnt reply last time cause he hasn’t replied to my text. A day has gone by. What do you think i should do next? If you please have a suggestion? Also, about the meet up we’re in different cities now so it’s awkward to bring that up now when he didn’t reply but the reason for the breakup had nothing to do with the distance, it’s pretty complicated. Sorry for the long haphazard tale. If you can please give your opinion thanks

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps since he did not reply you, it would be best to leave it at that for now and continue with the no contact for a short period more before dropping him another casual text. You don’t wanna send too many ‘casual’ texts over a short period because it comes across as intentional, and not casual anymore.

Shrek
Shrek

Hi Ryan,

So i texted him again and we had a pretty good chat this time. He hadn’t been this friendly in a long time. But now the problem is that, after several messages he’s like I think i need to tell you something and he tells me he’s moving away from the country soon. A little background- we’re both of different nationalities. He was working in my country so that’s how we met. While we were in a relationship we were together in the same city for a year. Then 2months prior to the breakup i had to move to a different city. What should i do in this scenario? Should i suggest a meet up before he moves away, is it a good idea? Please help, many thanks!

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If meeting him is something that will help you with closure then yes, meet him before he moves away (provided he wants to as well). If you feel that it would not, then do not meet him as it may affect you even more.

Ann
Ann

Hi,

I really need some clarity and advice about my situation.

I was dating someone for about 3 months and everything was great. He is the one that pursued me and wanted to be in a relationship with me. He would always call and make plans and tell me how I am so perfect and he is so lucky to have met me. He always said he has never met anyone like me before, someone so caring, genuine, and someone that makes him feel this good. He respected my decision to have sex with him when I am ready because even though he has never waited he knew I was worth it and did not want to lose me. He talked about a future with me and how I have everything he is looking for.
One Saturday about a month ago we went out had a great time, I met a group of his friends for the first time. The next day we had plans but they changed and I was disappointed. For the rest of Sunday and Monday he barely spoke to me or returned my messages. Finally Monday night he answered and told me that he’s not ready for a relationship because he can’t handle the work one requires. I asked to see him the next day. We talked and he said ok we can try to take things slow and work on it. But then again he kept acting the same way. So when I saw him again that week he said he needs space to figure things out because he doesn’t feel ready to be a relationship, he said to give him 3 weeks. I was sad and couldn’t not talk to him. He said why am I being emotional and can’t get over it. He said he doesn’t want a relationship and is talking to other girls. A week after he ended things with me he went out with a girl he claims to be his friend and posting stuff on snapchat. Since then I haven’t spoken to him or reacted to his posts with her. I have been through a lot of crappy situations with men and for the first time I met someone that was so different and treated me right. I don’t know what happened or what changed. He left me so confused and hurt.

Ann

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Ann, I’m sorry to say this but do you think it’s possible that he wasn’t very serious about you? If that is the case, it would be better that you focus on recovering from the hurt and giving yourself some space to untangle yourself emotionally.

V*
V*

Hey kevin thanks for this..was in a long distance relationship with this guy..and everytime i was the one who contacted him always..he was a hard working guy who always encouraged me to use ma skills too to work..sometimes i wasn’t even sure whether we were dating or not..evertime he came back to my country, i would have like one sleep over and the next time i wanted one, he could put up something..and most of the time i ended up concluding that maybe he was with someone else..i always concluded in a negative way..so this year he came back but i was ready to stay with him for all the days he was here till he got back..everytime i wanted to meet..he would either say he was busy or not around..since he was never in the country..i missed him n everytime he came back, i wanted to b with him or see him…he ended telling me tht “i was all about meeting”..tht i had to do something productive..this is a guy i hadn’t seen in 1 and ahalf years..time cam he stopped chatting..i wondered why and he concluded by telling me tht “i made him distant”..i dont really know what i did to make him distant..any help..he hasn’t talked to me in 15 days..he never replies to any of my texts and i really want to talk to him.. what should i do?

Blaqswan
Blaqswan

My ex that I have children with and have known for 25 years has recently stopped speaking to me, he goes through our children by telling them how angry he is at me and can not speak to me or see me, yet tells them he loves me so much. The baffling part is .. every conversation he has he speaks about me, yet he claims he doesn’t wish to deal with me at all. He also told our daughter that he doesn’t want to speak to me for fear that whatever he says he won’t be able to take back. I have texted him and he hasn’t responded but I know he gets abs hears my messages because he will tell our kids.. and sometimes if I tell him to do something he will. Weird … I feel like he hasn’t gotten over me and his attempt to ” stay away ” is all a front .. thoughts?

Thomas Robertson
Thomas Robertson

So I’m speaking to her now after about three weeks. Two days in a row there is still a lot of love between us I cheated with my baby’s mother to see if there was anything left for my child due to the fact the mother use my daughter as a pon. I am in love with my girlfriend but thinks I was playing her when that wasn’t the case. I want to keep in contacts but not to pushy and give her time and space but want to win her back . I think she knows I love her . I have been around her twice and the feeling of love is strong for both of us like nothing ever left . How do I keep in contact to win her back with out being to push and putting pressure on her?

Rabia
Rabia

If you wont moderate comments here then people wont be able to benefirlt from this article.

Shana
Shana

Where is my comment?

cindy
cindy

My ex and I were together for 5 years and then out of no where he told me he wanted to be just friends.. he says he felt sorry for me and couldn’t end the relationship sooner.. I told him I didnt want to talk to him and he asked if we can talk when he picks up the car (which ge gave me and now wants it back) so its been 1 week and he texts me and I text back (which breaks the no contact rule) but I stopped replying. So I started the no contact rule all over again. And hasnt texted at all.. we are supposed to meet up in a week because he asked for his car back (which he gave me) and talk .. i told him I didnt want to and he said that he wants to.. I really dont know what about… if he got what he always wanted (with breaking up with me)

Shell
Shell

Hey Kevin, My ex and I was together for 5 months. I moved in with him after 3 months of being together only because of financial circumstances. While I was with him I started my new career and then things with us started falling apart, he wanted me to work out and lose weight so I did that I ate healthy and lost 60 pounds in such little time. A couple weeks ago my sister and her friend came over to our apartment and dropped off his gate key because she stayed with us for a week. We were doing wonderful and when they came over his attitude started changing and he told me he no longer wanted to be with me because of my sister and her friend telling lies about me which he believed it and he believed it so much it started coming a reality to him. Well one day he left and went to his parents house and told me he is not happy and I have one week to move out and find a place to stay. I didn’t take him seriously because he had said it in the past when we argued and we always got past that. Anyway, He threw me and all of my stuff out of the apartment yesterday and he told me that I can never get him back he said “thank your sister and her friend for my decision” but before he said that a day before he said “if you want to win me back make things right with your sister and lose weight. I also hope you continue to lose weight and make me realize if I made a bad decision or not”. I went into panic mode and started the clingyness, stalking him at work, and blowing up his phone. Well he met someone else a week ago and he said he has a new girlfriend while I was staying at his place. He wouldn’t come home for 2 weeks I had to stay at his work til he got off just to see him and he pushed me away calling me crazy and telling me he is not attracted to me and telling me im fat. Then he sped off really fast. I texted him today and told him he still had some of my stuff in his closet and my vacuum. He said “your vacuum is safe and let me know when you want to come get the rest of your stuff.” I then brought up the new girl and he said I told her how you are and I am getting a restraining order on you” My question to you is how do… Read more »

PoopedOut
PoopedOut

I think there’s a point where they’re really just done. I had a 5 year relationship (marriage) with my ex. We had issues within the first 4 months, and we fought a lot. We were really in love and perfect until the first break up, then each succeeding breakup after that got worse and worse. There were so many small and major breakups and pain we caused each other after that I can’t even count them all. But when we finally moved apart (at the 4 year mark), I felt he really just was done with me so I accepted it and tried to move on. I met someone else through a friend of a friend online that was long distance who charmed me off my feet and distracted me from even thinking about my ex. So I unconsciously applied the no contact. Just after a month later I started getting a trickle of texts from him just trying to start a conversation which I replied to tersely. Then he finally texted me he really wanted me back and wanted to start fresh and was committed to it when he saw I didn’t need him anymore. Long story short, we did end up getting back together and he was trying really hard to be great to me, but I kept feeling like he owed me, for leaving me after he cheated on me with so many people so blatantly. So after a couple of months of the passion of getting back together we were back to a cold distance and mild hate. And 3 months after that I ended it, because I felt I deserved better than to stay with someone who can’t even give me what he said he would commit after I let him back. The horrible thing is a few months after my major decision I wanted him back more than ever. But he finally had moved on. I became shamelessly clingy and needy wanting him back like I had never done before the more he pushed me away. And he would literally tell me he didn’t love me, I need to go away. He ignored all my calls, and texts, and just didn’t care at all. I stopped bothering him for months, and he didn’t initiate contact with me. I found out eventually he was sleeping with other women and even had a 6 months relationship with someone already, we started talking again, and having casual sex after 7 months apart, although he doesn’t initiate contact at all or have a need to answer more than he needs to when speaking to me on a daily basis. Strangely I keep not accepting the finality of it… Read more »

Anonymous
Anonymous

Hello,well after reading these wonderful posts I am sort of understanding what should I do about my unstable relationship. Well, this person I had been dating for complete a year now almost two years, we were in a yr relationship and he loved me very much at least what I can say and think, I hid part of my identity from him as it started from a online source and I was basically wasn’t serious until he started to come in the town to meet with me and intimacy started to occur,in the beginning he was acting fine with me as in being intimate but of course wasn’t totally okay. Its been now almost one year since we last met, and during that time he barely answered my phone calls and text messages,whenever we’d talk he’d want intimacy and all that but then he went away and even blocked me from all the social networks and the messages apps plus phone numbers and everything,once I texted him and then one day we talked that’s probably the last night time we talked and webcam each other about 6 months now.. He barely contacted me and if he did, he’d say ‘hey’ or ‘i won’t talk to u again’ yet send me small tiny text messages somewhere when I disappear and when I write in paragraphs he’s all ignoring me and saying ‘lol’ I do not know exactly what’s the case with him, yet am confused at what should I exactly do. I talked with these people on his social network(women/girls) who he seem close with, and she showed him all the arguments we had(that girl and my fights), he got really furious and blocked me again after i texted him a picture of me and told him to take care of himself plus said a lot of things about reminding him of old things related to us, i did sent him a lot o desperate text messages and all that in past 10 months,and at that time he told me that ‘don’t ever try to get close to me’,after that I made up couple of things up for him to answer my calls and reunite but as soon as he hears my ‘hello’ he hangs up, I called him from a skype number though many times. As of now, I had made all mistakes I possibly could had done, and this guy did ask me for a arousing picture of myself recently, anyhow I am putting up the no contact rule up just hope it works for him to reach out, but is there anything else I should consider doing?

Yvette
Yvette

Okay, so I read all the articles you mention in this site. Gonna start the 5-step plan, i am nervous, scare of the outcome, and hope this will end my heartaching pain. :’-(

ClarisS
ClarisS

Hello Kevin,
I would love to get an advice from you. My boyfriend broke up with me, it’s been a month now, but i kept on contacting him, because he didn’t do anything wrong. He just said that he doesn’t love me anymore and he is too young for this kind of relationship (we were together for about 16 months). So i get that. And first he told me that he would love to be with me in a year. Like that i’m perfect for him, but it’s just not the time yet (my friends say that it was just some phrase to calm me down, that guys say). Well so i thought it could be ok again in some time. But i kept on texting him and being needy and i was trying to convince him to be with me.. Then he told me that he doesn’t want to be with me and since then he stopped saying the stupid thing about being with me in one year. I feel really ashamed because i wrote him for the whole month after all of that. And today after the whole month i decided to start no conntact rule. I deleted him on facebook and even his number (but my friend has it so i can ask her later) and i told him i want to end this for myself. But still I just hope he will come back to me.. I can’t imagine him being with some other girl .. I just hope that he contacts me in some time.. but i doubt that it will be in thirty days .. I just need to get my life together and maybe then .. if i still want to .. what do you think? should i do something else? Should i still contact him after 30 days? because it seems like it’s really short time for him to miss me..
Thank you for your answer 🙂

Candice hill
Candice hill

Great article and I would love to try it but what do you do when you and the person are from the same place,live walking distant apart? Hang out at the same place and have the same friends. I can do the part of the rule that I don’t text him or anything but I won’t be able to not see him. How does that work?

John
John

Well to start off, me and my best friend have known each other for about 4 years now. We have been dating for 14 months. We broke up about 3 weeks ago. This is our second break up. I know that we are a good and strong couple, but the problems that led to our breakup are generally provided by me and are the same problems that led to the first break up. I get jealous when she goes out, I want to see her all the time, and sex has become a big issue because she says I just want to have sex every time we see each other. I have taken these 3 weeks off; contacted her about 2-3 times and I tried to convince her that I’m going to change, and I feel like I can do it this time around. She’s just tired of this, and says that she can’t do it anymore for the time being, yet she says one day we can be together again, but not now. I told her if she could just ‘try me’, and to take things slowly. Like dating and giving each other space in the mean time. She just says no. What do I do to convince her? I have 3 days with NO CONTACT. It gets harder each day, please reply, I really need some advice. Thanks in advance.

Julie
Julie

Me and my ex broke up for the second time a week ago. Something had been off in our relationship and a after a few weeks of us being distant he decided to break up with me. I thought it was just a rough patch because we had been so amazing to weeks prior and he was saying how much he loved me and couldn’t see himself ever being with anyone else. He told me I was an amazing girl, that he still loved me, but wasn’t happy in the relationship anymore. He said he still wanted to stay friends because he didn’t want to lose me in his life so he texted me the next day and we haven’t spoken at all since. It has been a whole week and I thought he wouldv’e tried to contact me by now. I have been good with the no contact rule, but I’m scared if I don’t initiate contact soon that he’s going to forget about me. I still feel like we have a lot of love for each other but I’m scared I’ll never be able to get him back if he doesn’t contact me, but I’m not sure if I should contact him. Can I have some advice? We had been dating for a year and a half.

H
H

Thank you for the reply!

My qns is, how do I assess whether we are compatible? I mean, throughout the one year that I was with him, I was happy most of the time, until I found out he lied to me. He didn’t cheat, but he lied saying he was at home sleeping when he actually went to meet a female friend one on one. His reason was that if he had been honest with me, I wouldn’t have allowed him to go meet his friend, even tho they had nothing going on.

So since I discovered his lie, the relationship went downhill cos I couldn’t trust him; I was constantly doubting whether he was lying to me. That sort of led to the tension and break up.

Another qn, if he claims he does not have anymore feelings for me, is it still possible to get him back, and how?

H
H

Hi Kevin, been trying to leave a msg to no avail. We broke up about a week ago and I have since started the NC. However, is the 5 step manual gonna work if the reasons he cited for breakup were:

1. He does not love me anymore
2. Our characters are not compatible, and we have tried hard enough.

(he has initiated breakup twice before this final break, but I convinced him to try and work it out for the past two times)

Please reply!!!

roggy
roggy

Hey Kevin,
Ok this is 4th time i’m trying to contact you but no reply. Please i need your help badly.
Me and my ex broke up 3 months earlier. After a month of no contact i realized that i need to get her back at any cost. So i got you. Your mails helped alot and then we started talking again but just as friends. I could have won her heart again but suddenly one of my friends messed up everything by texting her. She got mad and then complained me. I was a little busy in my exams so i could’nt handle that situation properly. After another month of NC i wished her birthday 4 days earlier, she replied thnx and ended coversation. i texted her again but she didn’t reply. What should i do now? please need your suggestion it helped me previously and i hope it will help me again if you reply. So please kindly reply me kevin. HELP!

nomoremrniceguy
nomoremrniceguy

30 days no contact? Ha! How about 2 full years and he still wont talk to you? How can a person be so stubborn? 2 whole years and he is still holding a grudge. Truth is, I did nothing wrong, but tell him how I really felt about him, which he already knew because I expressed it all the time. And he tried to make it seem like I was the problem, but after he came to his revelation about me, how convenient was it that he already had a “girlfriend”? They knew each other quite well, too. I understand that we weren’t official. I understand that he didn’t feel the same way as I did. But he was supposed to be my “friend forever.” He didn’t care that I was a gay guy and he loved me. At least that is what he said. How was I supposed to know that you weren’t into me like that if you were constantly flirting with me and saying questionable things? I tell you I like you and you go mute after hearing me saying it numerous times?! Then when I see you, you’re telling me that I make you feel uncomfortable and that you can’t even speak to me…but just a week ago, you were my baby. Just a week ago, you were smiling ear to ear…rushing home from the corner store to talk to ME…but now I make you feel uncomfortable and you can’t speak to me? I guess you praised to Allah and he gave you an answer OR deep down inside you felt the same way I did and you thought getting rid of me would help you to repress those feelings OR you met some girl who you were comfortable having those feelings for and you saw that as an opportunity to get rid of me OR all I really was to you was entertainment…nothing more…nothing less. I don’t want to be his lover. I just wanted to be his friend and see how he was doing, but he completely blew me off when I messaged him on Facebook. He didn’t even add me as a friend. Any person who can hold a grudge for two full years over nothing and doesn’t even give a person the courtesy of acknowledging their presence after reaching out is a person I want nothing to do with. His heart has to be made of ice. I wished him well during those full 2 years apart, but now I hope that he finds someone he is truly mad about and she or he treats him the same way he has treated me. And I hope he carries the pain from the… Read more »

ailana
ailana

Hi Kevin,
Sometimes my husband says he wants to do no contact because it hurts him to talk to me because he knows I’m hurt and sad by him leaving me and dating someone new, but we still communicate, sometimes he calls first and sometimes I do. I’d like to believe there is a sign somewhere in that scenario that would indicate a glimmer of hope that my husband and I have a good chance to reconcile, so with fingers crossed, I will be attempting no contact this week.

Jackie
Jackie

hey kevin,

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and things were going great until now. He feels like he cant trust me because i was not completly honest about my past relationship. I have never cheated on him but now he thinks that I have. he is so back and forth about his feeling. One day he says he is trying regain trust then the next he is sending me mean text messages. not to mention I dont get a long with his family. I think and feel like we are done for good although I dont want to be, he is my best friend! He wont respond to any of my messages or calls now for 2 days. is it too late to save this relationship? do i need to give him the space and the NC ? Thanks for listening!:)

Madison
Madison

Hey Kevin,

My ex told me 4 months ago he needed a break after being together 9 years he is 42 i am 35. After that I went into desperate needy etc all the things you are not supposed to do…sometimes he would agree to possibly meeting to talk only to change his mind..then said to me he doesnt want to be in a relationship right now and that he just needs time. Well yet again i would go a few days and text him again only for it to turn angry last week. He said all I am doing is making him hate me and to move on and he doesnt love me or isn’t in love with me anymore and to move on…they day after that i emailed him and said things were a bit harsh etc.and that i agree time is what is needed…He replied with “why so you can text and all me all day everyday” I presume NC is the best idea here..do you think this is truly done? I have yet to give him the space or time he asked for in the beginning of this.
Thanks!

Anh
Anh

Hi Kevin, Im glad Ive found your blog! I enjoyed what I read so far! Still dont get me wrong as since im serious about getting my ex back so I did lots of research about relationship books! I hv actually purchased one which I didnt really find it could work my case out! I have been with this guy for 6 months and every been great at least I thought so.. He was the most honest person I know apart from my family! We fell in love as quicky as everything happened! We were nearly living with each other. I could feel that everything happen so fast and sometime i ignored the thought of slow thing down abit because i couldnt stand the thought of not being with him everyday, as even i could feel he might think the same that everything happened so fast! He has drinking problem!!! Its not like he has to drink everyday.. Its only friday thing so i was cool with it at 1st… As we got closer and i spent more time at his… Everytime he got back drunk he got so negative which i couldnt stand and wanted to work thing out by not seeing him on fri night. But it didnt work out really well as 2 weeks after that he was keep being crazy even we not seeing each other. He called me up in the middle of the night and asked to see me, waited outside my house for 2 hours! Then i thought maybe i would wait at home so he would get to see me when he back as well as i know he got back safe! But thing got worse with his drunkness! Everything beside that was great! He was the one that wait for me at home and cook me dinner! He kept me posted with whatever he up to and i never had a thought about what if he not get back to me cause he always did! I decided to try to ignore that one problem about his drinking problem so we could continute the good parts… Eventho i knew it was not healthy that way! As thing got worse and there was one time i recored the whole convo we had when he drunk!!! Those normally about negative saying and stuff as we shouldnt be together or things that he concerned but didnt want to concern my thought when he sober! I sent that to him in the next morning and left hang out with friends. When i got back he was out and i couldnt reach him! Then he left message as want to break up! I was all panic and… Read more »

jay
jay

Hi kevin,
So me and my ex stopped talking 2 months ago, he told me he needed a break and didn’t have time for girls. The next day he blocked me on facebook and also blocked my number, I found out through a freind he was in a relationship the same day. I seen him a week later we argued and it got heated he told me his new relationship ‘just happened’ when I asked if he loved her he said no they hadn’t got round to saying that yet. Anyway I haven’t spoken to or seen him since that night, the weekend just gone he approached my friend on a night out (I wasn’t there) he asked her how I was doing, asked a few times if I was back with my ex and said he didn’t believe my friend when she said no, he also said he hopes iam happy because I’m a lovely girl but I had to many problems and eventhough he is with someone else he wishes me all the luck. Is this new relationship a rebound and is that him basically saying he is over me?

Kind regards,
Jay.

jay
jay

I was thinking he could have started things with her before me, he seemed kind of distant in the week’s running up to everything that happened, one more thing kevin all that stuff he said to my friend does that mean theres still feelings there or is he giving me the blow off?

Thanks,
Jay.

jay
jay

Hey kevin,
So I seen my ex last night for the first time in 6 weeks at first he didn’t acknowledge the fact he had seen me but then I smiled and he smiled. I changed bars and went to another one after half an hour my ex walked in and seen me talking to a guy he came over and talked to my freinds and I spoke to him we at down and had a drink he told me he wasn’t happy with the new girl (who he got in to a relationship with after me) but he is living with her (after just 6 weeks) he told me they have split up twice already and he also said she tries to control him by telling him to not go out with friends and things like that. Anyway we spoke for a good hour we had a few cuddles but a few things stuck out, he had a charity wrist band on and told me he had that on when we were together and that he won’t take it off, he had the aftershave on I bought him for Christmas, he also said he has been checking his phone for the last 6 weeks to see if I have text him, and he said he rides past my house on his motorbike just out of curiousity, he also saidthat our song had been played in one a bar earlier on in the night. He said we can be friends but I still feel as if there is something between us he told me he would see me the weekend after next as the weekend coming up he is away for the weekend (with the new girl) but he said he would see me when he is out the weekend after he said I could text him one time (I text him when I arrived home last night and said thanks for the talk I haven’t text him since then) but I haven’t had a reply and I also think my number may still be blocked as iam still blocked on facebook. Any advice on this would be great.

Thanks,
Jay.

Siddiqa
Siddiqa

Hey I am still under the NC phase however I did speak to my boyfriend before this and he would usually give one word answers “ok” “no problem” I’m worried what if I send him a text saying along these lines… “something reminded of you” and his answer is an “ok”. What should I do theN? Should I try and make a conversation by saying how are you? Or what?

Thanks !

Katie
Katie

Kevin,
I started dating my ex a few weeks after him and his girlfriend of two years broke up. Yes, i technically was the rebound but we actually ended up dating for over a year and he never treated me as one. He stopped contact with his ex after awhile because he knew it would improve our relationship. Recently we broke up for other reasons and at the beginning i was a little desperate to work things out but i started no contact right away. During no contact, i saw him become friends with his ex girlfriend before me and start talking to her again. Is she a rebound now or is he still in love with her? I know he still views my social media sites so he is still curious. But is he totally done with me now that he’s communicating with his ex? Or is it possible i can still make him fall for me again and not her?

Jack
Jack

Hello Kevin,
I met this girl in a college class. We were friends for quite a few months before we became a couple. We dated for about a year. She is in the Air Force and I supported her constantly through her 9 months of training by writing to her and always being there for her. About a month ago we both confessed that we had both cheated on each other. We worked through it and although it was hard things felt fine and went back to normal. She was gone in training for about 9 months and in that time I go to see her 3 or 4 times. Then a week ago, the week before she was going to be home for good, she said that she couldn’t do this any more and dumped me. I was and still am dumbstruck. Her and I had a connection unlike any other. She fully gave me her heart and we had discussed the possibility of marriage. When we broke up she told me she still loved me. She is the type of woman who doesn’t ever talk to her ex’s again and told me that she doesn’t want to ever talk again even though we both had such a close intimate (spiritually and mentally, not physically) relationship. I haven’t contacted her and am following the 30 day no contact rule! Is there anything else I can do to win this dream woman back? Thank you very much.

Best Regards,
Jack

RD
RD

Hey Kev… so,my ex contacted me and he wants to get back together..we broke up before 2,5 months (i told you the story before),but since then,i met this new guy,who is 22 and 17..he lives in a different city than me,2 hours away,but he comes to mine really often because his family is here.We’ve been talking on skype for more than 5 hours a day,and he is really great.He is really mature and he knows what a woman wants..He’s been great to me,listening me and have been here for me,i really like him and i can see a future with him…Before my ex initiated contact with me,i have been missing him a lot but now i don’t know…I really like this new guy but i still love my ex and i know that my ex loves me.This new guy is black and my father is really racist so if i want to date him,i will have to do it one year secretly since i’m going to France to study in one year,and we’ve been talking with this new guy that he can come to visit me (we aren’t together yet)…But then i don’t know if i can have a long distance relationship with him without even having it close at first..I love my ex and want to give it a shot but i don’t want to go back to the same old stuff,having him hurt me over and over again,make me cry,and just break up with me so easily like he did before…I know that this new guy would never hurt me like that and i’m afraid if i stop talking to him for my ex,and i get hurt,i will regret it deeply letting him go because he is really great..please help me ASAP !! thankss!Any other responses are welcome

RD
RD

Heyyy Kevin! So i my ex added me on fb and chatted me last night,after seeing me in an event for 4 days! the 1 one we spoke a bit but i thought that was it.I was speaking to him friendly,and i was the one who closed the chat and went to sleep because i read somewhere that you should be the one to stop the first convo…How should i be talking to him in order to make him know that i’m not here waiting for him or ready to fall for him head over heels again? How should i continue going from here? please guide me!

RD
RD

He told me that my new hair color looks amazing on me, and that he was really happy to see me even if we didn’t talk that much..what does all this mean?

Ann
Ann

My ex son’s father and I have had an off and on relationship for 4 years now. During our last 3 break ups, he gets back with his daughters’ mother within a month later. They last for several months to a year or so. Every time they break up though, he gets back with me within a week to a month later. During the last few times we dated, we last about 5 months now. We have stopped emailing each other 3 months ago because we couldn’t stop arguing over past relationships. That makes me think he still loves me, although he is with her. I don’t know how to make it out for our son. I could use some advice please!

Louisa
Louisa

Hi Kevin,

My first serious boyfriend left me exactly a week ago today as he said he didn’t love me as much anymore. I did everything I could to get him back but nothing worked. He has been spending some time with a girl he met the day before he broke up with me, is she a rebound? We are talking as friends now but it’s not the same. Sometimes he replies, sometimes he ignores me. He has asked how I’ve been, does he still care? I want to do all I can to have him back as I know I am right for him although he says I’m not the right girl for him. This all happened when we had an argument a week before he left, and I confronted him about a few things he was doing wrong, he hates being confronted about anything and always has to be right. He said since that argument he didn’t love me as much and doesn’t think the love will ever come back, then five hours after we split he said there are no feelings at all. How can I get him to have feelings for me again?

Jennifer
Jennifer

Dear Kevin, i need your help.
Basically i was only dating this guy for a short 6 weeks. Everything was great he pursued me and showed me he was serious abouts us. However he suddenly ended it exactly a month ago (just after our date ended btw, we went for dinner and movie) saying that there is no spark anymore.
I was so devastated. I texted him 2 days later saying thanks for everything since he had done so much for me and i really appreciated that. He responded nicely and then i went NC. A week later he texted me said to enjoy my short trip in another country. I replied aloof and nicely, no desperation whatsoever but the chat lasted only 2 days and he didnt initiate anymore.
The next weekend i gave in and texted him. He again replied veryyyy nicely and it felt like the old times but the chat only lasted a day. The next weekend (just last sunday) stupidly I texted him again and we chatted nicely until last night when we both said good night. I dont think i will hear from him again soon. What should i do? I really want him back but i dont want to be the one who always initiate texts 🙁 is there any chance at all?

Jennifer
Jennifer

Thanks kev.. But how if he texts me during that one month?

Jennifer
Jennifer

He finally initiates but we just keep a short conversation since he was going to board a plane soon. Then I just said safe flight and that was it. He didn’t initiate anymore. This was 2 days ago. What to do? Driving me crazy knowing i only must wait and wait and cant do anything to get him back

Abbi
Abbi

Hi Kevin,
I finished 30 day no contact, text an upbeat message (the only method whereby I wasn’t blocked) and got a response. Chatted v. slowly across a day or so – recalling private jokes, teasing – some replies have been within minutes, some hours and not always that enthusiastic on his part. Then the texts got slower and slower – There only been like 10-15 exchanges. I feel worse now than before I contacted him, its been more than a day no response now – I didn’t stop the conversation in time to leave it on a high I guess. Feeling like such an idiot and still blocked on everything else.
What do you suggest?

Natalie Kay
Natalie Kay

“There’s a chance that it could be a rebound relationship. Like you said, he didn’t leave you for her. It just fueled his decision.”

Kevin,

I know he’d still be with me if it wasn’t for her. I’m doing crappy on the NC rule. I don’t contact him much. I talked to him on the phone on Saturday, and today. He said that he thinks he was able to go so fast into a new relationship because he was starting to distance himself emotionally at the end…because I guess the long distance was “wearing his heart down”. But the thing is, in THIS case. He really wants to try with this girl. He told me that. I even gave him solutions to the long distance problem. He still wants to talk to me, he has been answering his phone. He also said he doesn’t think he should because he said he doesn’t feel right about it because when we talk his feelings for me start to come back. I have been forcing myself to stay unemotional, and talk like how I was before he broke up with me. I told him that I signed up for a dating website and was trying to move on. When I talk to other guys, it’s a good distraction and I can forget about all the pain. Which is probably the same for him. He has been hanging out with this girl alot. And I know he likes her. He had always told me I was his “soulmate”. I asked him if he thinks this girl is his “soulmate”, and he said “i don’t know yet.” I feel like if I disappear for a long amount of time he will be able to forget about me and move on to her completely. This is so shitty kevin. I know I’ve been bugging you alot with this…but it’s really , really eating my mind!

Natalie Kay
Natalie Kay

Kevin,

Should I still do NC if he also has been saying that one reason we shouldn’t be talking is because he needs space so that he can finally see me as a friend and forget ‘feelings’? I guess that’s why I’m afraid to do NC…because I think that we will be severing our connection, and while doing that…he is spending all his time with this other girl and building up their connection/forgetting about me. I guess I’m just afraid that in 30-45 days I’ll contact him, and he’ll feel nothing for me anymore.

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